A Strange(r) Question

“So what’s next?” she asked me.

I stared back at her for a moment wondering what prompted her to ask me such a perceptive question.

Maybe my face doesn’t hide my thoughts quite as well as I thought it did.

I know a handful of people in Nashville, Tennessee, but this face was one I hadn’t seen before.

“Could she be an angel?,” I consider for just a moment.

I wanted to say, “Next? I’m still getting through this day, I don’t have the slightest clue what is next.”

Instead I spouted off something about “figuring it out” with as much confidence and nonchalance as I could muster.

Even I hardly believe the words as I hear myself say them…

Later that evening, I heard a message from a pastor that I had never heard before… even now I don’t remember his name, but I’ve come back to his words over and over again this week:

            “Human abilities are never going to match a God-sized calling. So if you’re waiting to feel ready to serve you’re never going to get there. He wants us to trust HIM and not our resources. Bring whatever you have, your five loaves and two fishes, and follow Jesus into things only He can do.”

Days after hearing those words, I’m still wrestling with them.

I desperately want my five loaves and two fishes to be used by God.

But too many days I look at my five loaves and two fishes and think they look pretty measly.

“Does God really have a place for me to serve Him with my whole heart, mind, soul and strength?” 

I try to “figure out” how I can “multiply” my loaves and fishes so I can get to the point where I can really be useful to God. Sometimes I just try to hide them.

I want perfection. I want fulfillment. I want heaven on earth. 

Turns out it’s my CHOICE whether or not I’m going to live life with open hands and believe God is the one who is going to do the multiplying.

I don’t know what’s next, but I do know I want to start really believing that God will equip me for what He has for me.

Hands open. All in time, all in good time.

“For we are powerless against the great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.“

2 Chronicles 20:12